This blog was started as a way for us to quickly share information with so many who were caring for us when Sarah was in the hospital. After she died, it was a place for me to share how we were doing but also for me to write about our grief process. I wrote publicly for two reasons--first, I think that death (especially death of a child) is a topic that is understandably avoided. I get it--losing a child is probably every parents' worst nightmare, its hard to know what to say to someone who is grieving since you really can't fix it, and maybe we worry that we will say or do the wrong thing. But so many people lose babies and grieve in silence. Perhaps people think it should be "easier" to lose a child since we didn't really know her, but that made the pain worse for me since I lost her along with all the dreams I had of what our relationship might be. My hope is that those who lose babies will feel the support that they need, to know that others are around them, to be asked how they are doing. And my hope is that we may all feel strengthened to reach out to parents who are grieving. Because miscarriage and infant death are a lot more common than we all probably realize.
I'm off my soapbox now.
The second reason I wrote was because even in the initial fog I was in I knew that our family would make it and I wanted to document our journey. It wasn't about "getting past" it or "putting it behind us"--that won't happen. Sarah and her death changed us as individuals and as a family. I wanted, and still want, to see how we would be changed as we pulled together, moved forward, let God heal us and figured out what our new normal was.
So here we are. It has been a year since Sarah's birth and death and our grief isn't as raw. We are healing. We will always have a scar across the picture of our family but instead of trying to hide it, we just know it is part of us. We are still on a journey of letting God shape us and I've decided that I'd like to keep journaling. At least for a bit. I've learned to slow down and appreciate the small stuff and I'd like to record the small joys, lessons learned, and struggles dealt with. And probably some goofy things the boys do. Because they are goofy kids.
If you'd like to continue to follow along on our family's journey, it would be an honor. And I hope to hear from you as well. Let us know how we can help carry you in prayer or in tangible ways as you've done for us this past year.
