Goodbye 2014. Hello 2015.

On New Year's Eve, I've always liked to stay up until midnight.  It doesn't always happen, especially when the kids were little, but I like to try.  Perhaps its silly but I like to say goodbye to the past year, reflecting on the ups and downs, thinking about lessons learned and thank the year for what it has brought to my life.  And I like to welcome the new year that is full of dreams, possibilities, goals and events that only God knows will come.  The past few years have been difficult so it has been hard to be thankful for the outgoing year.  In 2012, having recently said goodbye to my daughter and preparing to say goodbye to my mother, I stayed up until midnight almost to "spite" 2012 (crazy, right? As if it were alive and could feel my anger!).  And as the ball dropped I begged God that the coming year would bring healing and good things.  Part of me hoped that coming years would just be filled with ALL good things since I felt I had met my quota of "bad" for awhile.  Of course that wasn't possible and as I've written in other posts, healing has been slow but it has come.  And I've learned how to better embrace the good and the bad together.

2013 was still pretty bumpy and emotional but as I look back over 2014, it has been a good calming year.  No, God didn't grant my prayer to give just good things, there are still many question marks for different areas in our lives, but many good things have happened and the healing He's given has continued.  

In the Spring I felt the last bits of the fog melt away. The fog had been both mental and physical--I just felt drained.  It had slowly been going away since Sarah's death but it was still there to a degree.  It felt good to realize the fog was gone and that I felt like myself again...a stronger, more confident version of me.  And I saw Pat and the boys letting go of some of their fog this past year too. We've enjoyed a lot of family time, some trips together and lots of laughter.  The last few months have been particularly busy and, as the year has wrapped up, I've enjoyed the past week home with the boys.  I had thought that we'd do lots of play dates or activities but in the end we've spent most of the time at home.  And it has been wonderful.  The slower pace has allowed for a few PJ days, lots of games, air guitar bands, movies, book reading, telling stories, building legos, fighting dragons, toy organizing, snuggles, drawing, staying up later and sleeping in,  

So, 2014, goodbye.  Thanks for being a calming year for me and for my family.  Thank you for the time spent with and memories made with friends and family.  Thank you for the dreams we've begun to dream again.  2015--You're filled with so much promise, growth, learning and events.  I want to embrace everything you have remembering that God is the one who has ordained the details and is the one who will lead us through it all.