Back to Normal after Easter?

Around here we are enjoying the end of spring break and Easter festivities: we still have a bunch of hard boiled eggs that are being eaten.  Zach likes to peel them but won't even think about eating them.  And Gabe has happily announced that the easiest way to crack an egg is to drop it on the floor--thankfully he has yet to follow through,.  The boys are also continuing to hide plastic eggs for each other to take turns finding.  Our week has been a happy balance of lazy PJ days, time outside, and visits with friends (for kids and mom!).  In a way, its life back to normal for us.

But what was it like for the disciples that first "Easter" after Jesus died and rose again?  I imagine they were obviously crushed with sadness after he died.  They had so many hopes and dreams wrapped up in him-mainly that he would be the military leader they were all waiting for who would rescue them from Roman rule and re-establish the nation of Israel.  And then...he rose again.  It can be easy to miss the weight of those words since many of us have grown up hearing "Jesus died and rose again" frequently in church.  It kinds of rolls off the tongue and doesn't always sink in.  I often have to focus hard at Easter to really grasp what happened-- he died a painful, humiliating death.  For no reason other than because of love for me and you.  And then death, which is so final for us, wasn't strong enough to keep him.  So coming back to life isn't exactly normal and then Jesus starts appearing to the disciples and I imagine they were a bit confused, amazed, excited, scared, happy, doubtful, elated...every emotion in the book.  But still, even after three years following him and learning so much and then seeing him alive after they watched him die, they tried to go back to normal.  Jesus even appeared to them while they were back to fishing--their "normal" from before Jesus called them to follow him.  (I imagine as he watched them fish if he was thinking, "Really??")

I wonder if I've ever acted like that.  Jesus showed me himself in a powerful way--taught me something, guided me through a difficult time and then instead of letting my life be changed I revert back to my "normal" and my comfort zone.  Actually, I don't wonder.  I know I have.  Many times.  Almost with an attitude of, "huh.  That was interesting" when instead it should have rocked my life a lot more.

I've been reading the book of Acts with some friends and thankfully the disciples finally did "get it"-- they went out and lived radically different lives, boldly telling others about Jesus.  Pat and I have been changed dramatically over the past seven months and have drawn closer than ever to God.  This quotation from CS Lewis (which is written as if God is speaking to us) sums up how we are feeling:

“Give me all of you!!! I don’t want so much of your time, so much of your talents and money, and so much of your work. I want YOU!!! ALL OF YOU!! I have not come to torment or frustrate the natural man or woman, but to KILL IT! No half measures will do. I don’t want to only prune a branch here and a branch there; rather I want the whole tree out! Hand it over to me, the whole outfit, all of your desires, all of your wants and wishes and dreams. Turn them ALL over to me, give yourself to me and I will make of you a new self---in my image. Give me yourself and in exchange I will give you Myself. My will, shall become your will. My heart, shall become your heart.” 
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

We are praying asking God to simplify our faith, take us back to the basics, to strip away anything that we have added.  We don't want to go back to our normal and instead want a new normal.

Where are you being challenged in your faith?  Where is God taking you?

Simply enjoying the journey,
H.

Simply Enjoying the Journey

We have been slowly feeling "normal" again since Christmas.  By that I mean that we are not feeling so numb and are starting to feel like ourselves again.  In the weeks and months after Sarah died so many people said words to the effect of  "wow!  You're doing really well since you're out and doing activities with the boys."  Can I let you know that grief isn't like a pit that you climb out of or like a fork in the road that you walk away from?  Our grief and sadness will be a part of our lives until we are reunited with Sarah in heaven.  We are healing from the "rawness" of the grief, but we still have difficult moments.  A couple weeks ago Gabe was struggling and asked for the pictures of Sarah to be taken down.  And I cried my way through most of the Easter church service as I felt overwhelmed with sadness (our family should be all together!) and also the hope we have in the death and resurrection of Jesus.

I've heard it said that we learn from our children even as we are teaching them and I believe that is true.  I've grown as a person because of knowing and raising my boys.  And Pat and I feel we can say the same about Sarah.  We didn't know her personally very long, but the experience of having known her and then dealing with the grief of missing her has changed us deeply.  Here are a couple things we have learned.

1. Cherish the moments.  I've gotten many emails or facebook postings poking fun at those whose children are grown up and tell us younger parents to "enjoy the moments because they grow up so fast!"  the articles point out that not all moments are enjoyable and how dare they say that since its not very encouraging as my child is screaming in the grocery store?  But I have to wonder, if I don't enjoy the moments, then what am I waiting for?  Because life is made up of moments.  All the little moments add up to be big moments too.  Sure, I get frustrated and have my yelling or crying moments like all parents but even when I'm washing out underwear for the 3rd time that day because of an accident, breaking up yet another argument between the boys, I feel grateful because at least I have boys who are arguing.  At least I have laundry that needs washing.  Do I enjoy every moment--Yipee!  I LOVE scrubbing dirty underwear!  No.  But I am grateful for the moments.  I remember back to the days before each boy and the doctors telling us that we might not have children.  I know now that just because a child is born, we are not guaranteed a lifetime of moments with him or her.  Even when things are frustrating or difficult at least I have those moments.  I enjoy the time with my guys because I don't know when the moments may come to an end.  When we were in the hospital with Sarah, Gabe asked if we could have a one-week birthday party for her and we agreed since we didn't know how many celebrations we would have with her.  We are so glad we did that since she died only two days later.  And anyway, life is more fun when we cherish the small stuff instead of letting the small stuff frustrate us!

2. Live simply. This is a hard concept for me to explain because our lives haven't slowed down and if anything are busier than ever.  But we do feel as if we are more focused on what matters.  We are seeking out and enjoying healthy relationships.  We are taking time to rest when we need it. We are enjoying time with the boys and each other.  I have continued to fine tune our eating habits to be even simpler and healthier.  We are working on house projects that de-clutter and organize the house and help us live more calmly and simply.

We are simply enjoying the journey.